


birds

by mirage (emptyheadspace)



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: 2.4k words of akaashi being melodramatic, Angst, BokuAka Week 2020, Canon Compliant, Graduation, M/M, Pining, Poignant, Songfic, akaashi thinks about the past and the future, fukurodani third years are graduating, so valid tho
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-18
Updated: 2020-08-18
Packaged: 2021-03-05 23:41:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,430
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25973833
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/emptyheadspace/pseuds/mirage
Summary: It was finally happening —the third years were graduating and leaving the team.
Relationships: Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou
Kudos: 28
Collections: Bokuaka Week 2020





	birds

**Author's Note:**

> The song I used for this piece is "Birds" by Imagine Dragons.

The gym shook with the force of their cheers. 

It was finally happening — _the third years were graduating and leaving the team._

It was the third years’ night, and the Fukurodani volleyball team had unanimously chosen the school gym as the venue for their night of celebration, a place near and dear to everyone’s hearts. The place that they had spent countless days and even nights in, training and sweating and suffering and having fun. The place that every single member of the team had come to know and love and cherish. It was a place of bittersweet nostalgia and shared memories, and nobody would even _dare_ consider another venue. 

Akaashi had known all along that this day would come.

Hell, he even had a mental countdown programmed into his brain that wouldn’t leave him alone even in his sleep. It was like he was hyperaware that this day was bound to come. Like a blight creeping up on him through time, ready to sneak around the corner and steal everything that he had known and loved from him. 

Yes, he had been preparing himself for this day.

So why did everything still feel like a haze?

Even the handmade banner thrown hastily over the railing—well wishes and encouraging words painted on it—and the table shifted to the center of the courts with an impressive array of food and drink on it, all felt too surreal. Like a distant dream, like a lifetime far away, like a memory of the past. Like he wasn’t actually in the moment now, and if he closed his eyes this fuzzy scene before him would just go away and he would be back to real life again with his teammates right behind him and nationals right around the corner.

Akaashi was not ready for this day.

  
  


╔═══════════════╗

_Two hearts, one valve_

_Pumpin' the blood, we were the flood_

_We were the body and_

_Two lives, one life_

_Stickin' it out, lettin' you down_

_Makin' it right_

╚═══════════════╝

Akaashi’s eyes skimmed the gym. 

There was a special place in his heart for the polished floors and the yellow lights that always hummed like nobody’s business and the white, crisp lines that outlined their courts. The squeaking of shoes and the resounding thwack of the ball against wood echoed through the caverns of his heart even when he wasn’t playing, calling to him like the waves in the sea call out to a sailor, pulling him back into the heat of a match that wasn’t there.

This gym was his second home, if he even dared to call it that. 

It was where he had met Bokuto after all.

If you had told first-year Akaashi Keiji that he would be tossing for the team’s ace and captain by his second year in the team, he would have laughed. He would’ve thrown his head back and an ugly snort would’ve escaped his lips, and that would be quite the sight considering that Akaashi never really laughed. The whole idea would have been ridiculous to him. 

Yet in the blink of an eye, they had become quite the duo: the ace and his setter. The _unstoppable_ ace and his setter. The lifeblood of the team, the center of their plays, the ones to look out for—and of course none of that could be achieved without the help of their teammates. Each and every single one of them were important and integral and so very supportive, but Akaashi liked to think for just one selfish moment that he and Bokuto had something _special_. 

They were a force to be reckoned with—two become one—paths intertwined in a blazing trail of glory and victory. Akaashi had never felt such a connection with anyone else before. All they needed was to share a look and the ball was up and over the net before anybody could even see it. A telepathic bond, was it called? He liked to think that they shared one of those, even if it was a thing of movies and fiction.

He would never admit it, of course. What would Bokuto say if he ever discovered that Akaashi found his whining endearing?

Speaking of Bokuto, the ace was the life of the party, even on this special and dreaded night. Sliding through the crowd, he exchanged high-fives and excited fist bumps with his team, seemingly unfazed that he would no longer be seeing their faces at practice anymore come morning.

Bokuto had always seemed untouchable.

Akaashi knew it wasn’t true. Bokuto was bothered by a lot of things, more so than anyone would think. Behind that smile was a soul swirling with doubts and uncertainty and little worries and concerns that nobody else would ever think about. He always kept his smile on and his eyes bright, but Akaashi had seen the days when he had succumbed to the voices, sinking deeper and deeper into dejection. 

But Akaashi had also seen the days that Bokuto had managed to get back on his feet with such an energy and a vigor that shouldn’t be so impressive but it was. Bokuto was brave, and tough, courageous and bright, passionate and driven, and it was a treat getting to see him be so vulnerable sometimes. It made Akaashi feel like he was getting to know him in such an intimate and open way that was so raw and heartfelt.

When Bokuto caught Akaashi staring so unapologetically at him, he smiled.

“Akaashi!” Before Akaashi knew it, he was bounding over towards him with two plates piled high with food in his hands. “You should eat too.”

Although Akaashi no longer felt like eating, he received the plate with a small smile.

“Thank you,” Bokuto said.

“Thank you?” Akaashi repeated. 

“Thank you for this celebration and everything, makes me feel like I was really important to the team, y’know?” Bokuto laughed, shoving a pastry unceremoniously into his mouth.

“Of course, Bokuto-san.” Akaashi tried to smile.

 _Anything for you, Bokuto-san_.

It was entirely selfish, of course. 

╔═══════════════╗

_Sunsets, sunrises_

_Livin' the dream, watchin' the leaves_

_Changin' the seasons_

_Some nights I think of you_

_Relivin' the past, wishin' it'd last_

_Wishin' and dreamin'_

╚═══════════════╝

Memories were running through his head now. Memories both old and fresh, deep and new, little and huge, he wanted to remember it all. He _needed_ to remember it all. Who else would remember it for him? Who else would remember all the conversations and the touches and the fears and the hopes and the dreams that they shared? Who else? The skies? The moon? The seasons? No, the universe had never been kind to the boy who loved a star. 

If only moments could last outside of memories, if only they could remain beautiful forever—then Akaashi would hold many near and dear to his heart, wishing the days would go on and everything would feel the same and nothing would ever fall apart. If he could relive it all, he’d go back in a heartbeat, even if it meant renewing the heartbreak and the longing and the things he could never have the courage to say.

It had always been a dream for Akaashi to play on a good volleyball team, maybe even win a lot of matches and make it to competitions if he was feeling hopeful. These two years had certainly felt like a dream, his days giddy with the high of being the setter for one of the top five aces in the whole _country_.

One would think it was the thrill of the position that drew him deeper into volleyball, but that was far from the truth. Bokuto was the one who had fuelled the flames and got Akaashi so engaged in the sport that he just couldn’t look away. It had become a part of him, like oxygen that he needed to breathe, or the ground beneath his feet, or the sun in the sky. 

He was truly living the dream.

_“Akaashi! Will you toss for me?”_

_“Don’t you need to eat, Bokuto-san?”_

_“Just a few more, Akaassshiii.”_

_Akaashi knew that a few more would soon turn into more, and then more, and more. There was no end in sight to the boundless energy that Bokuto possessed when it came to spiking all the balls that came at him._

_He sighed._

_“Sure, Bokuto-san.”_

No matter how many times Bokuto called for a toss, Akaashi would always oblige.

How could he find it in him to refuse those golden eyes? To refuse that sunshine smile? 

Akaashi would always toss to his star. 

Now, if only the dream would last forever.

╔═══════════════╗

_Seasons, they will change_

_Life will make you grow_

_Dreams will make you cry, cry, cry_

_Everything is temporary_

_Everything will slide_

_Love will never die, die, die_

╚═══════════════╝

Akaashi rarely dared to dream.

Dreams were troublesome things, wiggling and worming into the depths of one’s heart where they made a home and never left until they were forcefully torn away. And when they were torn away, they died. Some shrivelled up over the years, still hanging on by a thread. Others shattered and exploded into a million different pieces, the shards piercing the dreamer’s heart and leaving permanent scars.

He knew life always had more dreams to offer, and more dreams to destroy, but he had grown particularly attached to this particular dream. 

Akaashi’s dream was not a secret. 

Anyone could see it in his eyes if they looked long enough. It was present in his every move, lurking in every turn of his fingers or every flick of his wrist. It painted every toss of the ball on the court, and haunted every little glance he took to make sure Bokuto hadn’t done anything stupid yet. It was always there, seated at the forefront of his heart and overtaking his waking thoughts.

There was always those few things in that dream of his: golden eyes, a boyish face, tufts of grey and white, a warm and loud voice. They never went away, even through all the changing of the seasons, even through the passage of time—a constant warm, fuzzy feeling on Akaashi’s heart and a cold reminder in his nights when the clock crept nearer to the day Bokuto would finally leave. 

No, it was not a secret. 

Akaashi’s love for Bokuto was glaringly obvious.

He was always going to keep hurting, for he would never want to stop loving Bokuto.

  
  


╔═══════════════╗

_When the moon is lookin' down_

_Shinin' light upon your ground_

_I'm flyin' up to let you see_

_That the shadow cast is me_

╚═══════════════╝

Fresh air, he said. He needed some fresh air.

The sound of errant whoops and people clapping each other on the back rang out behind him as Akaashi exited the gym. 

The night was calm and eerily normal outside, as if the world didn’t stop when his heart did. The moon hung low in the sky, a stark crescent cut into the deep blue of the night, staring down at him and making him feel so small in the world. There was nary a star in the sky, no, and it seemed only fitting on the night that they were sending off the team’s own supernova. 

He wondered if Bokuto felt the same way about him, but he couldn’t let himself be the one who held him back.

Bokuto didn’t need a shadow, he needed to _shine_. He needed to show everybody the same brilliance that he had brought to Akaashi’s world. If Akaashi could make peace with that, he could will Bokuto to do the same too.

He was ready for the world, but Akaashi wasn’t.

Akaashi had to stay behind to help the team, to finish his studies, to finish what they started together. There was so much left for him to do here at Fukurodani, but Bokuto did not have to stay anymore.

He was leaving, and that much was clear. 

While he would be out there chasing galaxies and lighting the world up with his smile, Akaashi would remain content with the memories of their past together. He would be Bokuto’s past for now, and maybe one day he could finally join him in the light.

All he had to do was bide his time. 

_Will you remember me when you’re reaching for the stars, Bokuto-san?_

  
  


╔═══════════════╗

_I know that ooh, birds fly in different directions_

_Ooh, I hope to see you again_

_Ooh, birds fly in different directions_

_Ooh, so fly high, so fly high_

_Ooh, so fly high, so fly high_

_Ooh, so fly high, so fly high_

╚═══════════════╝

_“I’ve been looking at a few universities in the area!”_

_“That’s fantastic, Bokuto-san,” Akaashi replied, willing himself to keep talking._

_“I’m going to continue playing volleyball, of course!”_

_“Mm, naturally.”_

_“Maybe next time you can come and watch my games,” Bokuto suggested, beaming. “And then you can toss for me again.”_

Akaashi’s heart bled with hope.

He knew this day would come, the day that Bokuto would be leaving and he couldn’t follow anymore, but that didn’t make it any less painful. He didn’t want to imagine coming to practice and not hearing Bokuto’s louder-than-life voice or not seeing Bokuto’s golden sunshine smile. He didn’t want to imagine himself setting to someone else knowing that Bokuto wasn’t there waiting for his tosses. 

But he was so unbelievably happy to see Bokuto spreading his wings and taking off for the skies. The ace had come so far from the early days of Akaashi having to coax him out of his emo mode, all the prickliness and stubborn streaks that held him back from his true potential.

He had spent so long learning how to fly, but now, Bokuto’s wings were bigger than ever. Bigger than Akaashi’s own, bigger than the world, bigger than all his dreams and hopes.

Akaashi wanted to see him fly, he wanted to see him soar.

He could’ve done it all along without Akaashi, but now it was finally time.

It was time to let Bokuto go.

It was time to let him fly and conquer the skies and conquer the land and sea with his own two wings. He would be up in the sky, so high and mighty, swooping and diving and soaring and gliding over his world. He could see the world, and hold it in his hands and do all the things that he ever wanted to do.

That image made Akaashi very, very happy.

He could only trust that one day Bokuto would come back to him.

_“Yes, Bokuto-san. I would like that very much.”_

**Author's Note:**

> finally completed the whole of Bokuaka Week 2020, took me quite a while towards the end but here I am
> 
> check out my other bokuaka week works [here](https://emptyheadspace.tumblr.com/post/625261318908346368/bokuaka-week-works)
> 
> here's my [socials](https://thegildedraven.carrd.co) , includes my other works


End file.
